Have you ever been somewhere and suddenly seen someone that evokes memories of events that took place years ago? I was at a wedding last weekend with my family, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a girl that I’ve known since I was in kindergarten and my stomach immediately dropped to the floor. I will never forget the years and years of bullying she put me through. I will never forget being 6 years old and her telling everyone on the playground to pick on me because my hair bow was bigger than everyone else’s. I’ll never forget her calling me trash because I didn’t live in the Country Club and my parents were divorced. I’ll never forget her kissing my boyfriend because she wanted to hurt me. I’ll never forget what I went through in high school with her telling people I was a whore just to start a mean rumor about me. When I saw her, for a split second, I thought maybe she changed and I should speak to her. It’s been years, and I know I’ve changed since then, right? Then she saw me and her face turned and curled into disgust. She’s the same sad soul that I’ve known my entire life. And then I took all my anxiety and sadness connected to those memories and I started praying that my babies never feel that pain.
Do you know what’s even sadder than feeling utter loneliness in the midst of your parents’ divorce or your Mom being diagnosed with not one but two types of cancer? Being the target of the mean girls’ hate in school. I would never wish that on my worst enemy, and I cannot imagine making someone feel smaller than an ant every single day. I cannot imagine making someone hate having to leave his or her home and go to school. I remember telling my mom every excuse under the sun so I could just stay home because I didn’t want to be in the line of fire that day. I would give anything to magically protect my children from that pain, and I hope they never have to deal with it. If they ever see someone being mistreated I hope they always speak up and protect them… that’s all that I wished I’d had.
The memories of being bullied have never faded in my mind. The feelings are still very real, and the emotions that flood over me when I think about those times breaks my heart. It hurts me so badly because I know that right now at this very moment, someone is being bullied and feels alone. I wish I could wrap my arms around them and tell them it will be alright and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.
Our world is becoming more and more cruel by the day. It is our job to shine our Light into the world. We must share our kindness, compassion and love with everyone that we come into contact with. To the mothers of the bullies, they need you more than ever! They are deprived of your attention, and they need your guidance as they learn how to treat the world. Please do your best to show them that kindness is the answer. Being bullied never leaves your memories and really messes with your ability to deal with drama as an adult. I know I’ve been put in situations with mean girls as an adult, and instead of facing it boldly, I’ve completely fallen apart because it takes me back to that time when I was all alone and afraid of standing up for myself. I’m not a mean girl, so reflecting someone’s ugliness to me isn’t something I feel comfortable with, and I’ll never be a part of it.
After having some time to think about my feelings after seeing my bully at the wedding, I’ve realized a few things. I don’t hate her. Actually, I’m so far from hating her that I wish her the best in life because she deserves God’s love showering her and showing her how she should love the world. If everyone could share God’s grace with the world we would all be better off. I pray for her and other bullies every single day, I pray they find love and peace in their hearts so that they can know that’s how to connect with people. If you’re being bullied, it’s not and never will be OK for someone to do that but know that it WILL end and you will become stronger from it.